Editing Assignment

1. As I'm scurrying around the house I'm gathering things that I will need for my perfect day in the sun.
I scurry around the house, as I gather my things for my perfect day in the sun.


2. Up ahead I seen a long vast line of people standin on the side of the road, and as I got closer to the scene I got curious; I slowed my car and hoped out.
Far ahead I see a long vast line of people standing on the side of the road, as I get closer to the scene I get more curious; I slowed down my car and jumped out. 

3. As the buildings fly by us my father starts to swerve back and forth on the deserted roadway and I realize just how drunk he is.
The buildings fly by us as my father speeds up and starts to swerve side to side on the lonely deserted roadway, and then thats when I realized how drunk my father is.

4. She has an old rusted shopping cart with her, it was where she put the little bit of food that she had, The rats were crawling all over it trying to get the leftovers.
She has this old rusted shopping cart with her, it is where she put the little bit of food that she had. The skinny looking rats were crawling all over her leftovers trying to get the little bit of food that was left.   

5. I tumble over my feet as I walk through the great city, my mind raced as I was replaying what happened tonight.
I stumbled over my own two feet while I walk through the great city, my mind raced; replying what happened tonight. 

6. ...but he's shaking more violently than Debra and I.
...but he's shaking more violently that Debra and I ever did.

7. As we are walking people are starting to shovel off their steps and snow blow their drive way's.
As I'm walking I see people starting to shovel off their steps from the snow, and also I see people  snow blowing their driveways. 

8. All of the those absurd little moment are the ones I have come the treasure the most.
All of those absurd little moments that flashbacks in my head are the ones I have come to treasure the most.

9. Looking at the collar to discover who's dog this was, I seen the ring.
I look at the dogs collar to discover who's its owner was, but then I saw the ring.

10. Was I going to decay slowly like the others, or would I be shot down my one of the enemies bullets?
Was I going to decay slowly like the others, or would I be gunned down by one of the enemies bullets? 

11. Without looking, I know I look like a train wreck, Not going to lie, my hair, which I used to take much pride in, has become too long, thin, and feeble, Not to mention my developing beard is now turning messy and scraggly...
Without looking, I noticed I looked like a train wreck. Not going to lie, my hair was to much to take pride in it has become too long, thin and feeble. Not going to mention my developing beard that is now turning messy and scraggly...

12. All of a sudden, Katy Perry's hit song Teenage Dream started playing, it was my time to shine.
All of a sudden, Katy Perry's hit song "Teenage Dream" started playing, it was my time to shine.

13. He always had an optimistic view on life, he thought today would be different, he would put the bottle down as promised but promise go broken.
He has always had an optimistic view on life, he thought today would be different, he would always put the bottle down as promised but promises g broken.

14. So I hall myself out of bed and make my way down stairs to the kitchen, my tired eyes are still adjusting but I can see and hear my mother by the telephone talking to someone loudly.
So I haul myself out of bed and make my way down stairs to the kitchen. My tired eyes are still adjusting; I can see and hear my mother by the telephone talking to someone loudly. 

15. I run the few feet over to my neighbours house as best I can choke out what has happened and they are in shock, they quickly call 911 and explain what has happened.
I run the few feet over to my neighbours house, as best I can choke out what has happened; they are in shock, they quickly call 911 and explain what has happened.

16. ...somehow I traded my soft, satin and silky bed sheets to hard slowly decaying blocks of concrete, I had officially hit rock bottom.
...somehow I traded my soft satin and silky bed sheets, for a hard and slowly decaying blocks of concrete; I had officially hit rock bottom.

17. Roofs are caved in every where every home is destroyed, why Gafilo why?
Roofs are caved in everywhere, and every home is destroyed, why Gafilo why?

18. As me and the rest of my choir waited on the side of the stage in out black suede track suits.
As the rest of my choir and I waited on the side of the stage in our black suede track suits.

19. My mind entered overdrive, I couldn't beat this guy with the state that my car was in, but I also never turned down a race, I needed to win. 
My mind entered overdrive and I couldn't beat this guy with the state that my car was in, but I also never turned down a race. I needed to win. 

20. Then she leaded him into a room, where paint brushes were laying everywhere and where many colour palettes waited to be used.
Then she lead him into a room, where paint brushes were lying everywhere, and where many colours palettes waited to be used.